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An old blog post from 38below, my former AccuWeather blog, that I came across today. I still chuckled here and there (I mostly shook my head in disbelief that I got away with blogging these types of things) and thought people (both of you) might enjoy it. Good luck with your scoring!

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I get a lot of email from folks wondering if they have some sort of weather obsession. “What are the signs?” they lament. “How do I know if I have a problem?” Well, I’ve given this a great deal of thought. If you’ve been reading for any length of time, you’ll know that my natural inclination is to help people. So to address this need I’ve been working on a special ink blot test that will determine your degree of Meteorological Obsession*. The best part of all is that it’s multiple choice – no heavy thinking here! (That was going to be my slogan, if “Weather’s Fun Again™” didn’t pan out.) So this is what you do. Get a sheet of paper (I’ll wait. Okay, time’s up.) and write down your answers to the questions below (1 – D, 2 – B, etc.) (Those aren’t the “answers,” just an example. Pick your own answers.) At the end there will be a simple scale to determine your degree of Meteorological Obsession*.

Good luck!

Ink Blot #1

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. Two cans of Billy Beer.

B. The eyes of that little robot from The Black Hole.

C. The wheels of the semi in front of you that you can’t pass to get to the thunderstorm you’re chasing before it spawns a tornado.

D. Mammatus Clouds.

Ink Blot #2

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. North America.

B. A sleestak.

C. Two F4 tornadoes touching down in an area that you didn’t drive to because the tornado warning said nothing would happen there.

D. A satellite image of Hurricane Betsy.

Ink Blot #3

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. Jolly Old Saint Nick.

B. Two penguins fighting over a can of corn.

C. A severe weather outbreak in the state of Wisconsin.

D. Cumulonimbus clouds.

Ink Blot #4

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. Two satellite dishes.

B. V’ger.

C. That thing you have mounted to the roof of your car which kills your gas mileage but shows you where to drive to find human-head-sized hail.

D. Jim Cantore.

Ink Blot #5

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. A butler standing next to a mirror in the rain.

B. Moe from the Three Stooges.

C. The two guys that beat you to the storm, took awesome video and now are just staring at the departing super cell.

D. A wet bulb thermometer.

Ink Blot #6

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. A Yeti couple holding hands as they stroll through a nice park.

B. Two elephants end-to-end.

C. A hurricane forming in the Gulf which will probably make landfall before your plane arrives.

D. A hook echo.

Ink Blot #7

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. Carl’s future dog staring through the deli window eyeing up some ham loaf.

B. A giant eight-legged grasshopper with tentacles.

C. The profile of the police officer who clocked you doing 148 in a 55 mph zone while you were racing to get to the 84 dbz spot that just showed up on your In-Car NEXRAD Display System™

D. Two dog-shaped cumulus clouds.

Ink Blot #8

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. A circle.

B. A Susan B. Anthony dollar under the vending machine in the break room.

C. The hole you’re about to crawl into because the tornado you were chasing just ate your celphone, your human-head-sized hail detector and your car.

D. A local NEXRAD doppler radar with a GREAT storm.

Ink Blot #9

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. Back pain.

B. The label that warns you not to take a bath with your toaster (while it’s plugged in.)

C. Lightning.

D. The logo of that superhero who can talk to fish.

Ink Blot #10

What do you see in the Ink Blot above?

A. Godzilla.

B. The Statue of Liberty.

C. A giant sea monster (created after scientists try to destroy hurricane Chunky Monkey with nuclear weapons) headed for Gulf Shores, AL. It will probably get there before your plane arrives.

D. Jim Cantore in a Godzilla suit (Halloween ’99)
Congratulations! You’re all finished. Now you need to count up the number of As, Bs, Cs and Ds and assign the following points:

As are worth 1 point

Bs are worth 2 points

Cs are worth 20 points (Ha! Tricked you!)

Ds are worth 10 points

Total up all of your points and see how you did:

200 points: Okay, Jesse, stop reading my blog again.181-199: You are Completely and Totally Meteorologically Obsessed*, you think storms are things to run TO, not AWAY FROM, and you’ve considered kidnapping Henry’s snowblower for the good of all humanity.

141-180: You are Very Meteorologically Obsessed* but not a lost cause yet. A two-week fast from NEXERAD imagery should be administered, and try saying “rain” instead of “precipitation.”

101-140: You are somewhat Meteorologically Obsessed* – odds are your close friends know but everyone else is in the dark. This year’s vacation should be somewhere calm and tranquil. Try L.A. in the summer.

21-100: The warning signs are there. Seeking help now might not be a bad idea.

11-20: You may not be obsessed with the weather, but you’re probably pretty weird anyway.

10: You’re more or less normal, although you ARE reading this blog.
*Only professional medical personnel can make a diagnosis of Meteological Obsession. 38below and Carl should never be used as an alternative to Official Doctor People and any advice given on the 38below blog is for entertainment value only, and really that’s arguable too. If you are worried about your score, or are exhibiting symptoms such as a desire to drive to the midwest this spring or checking your NEXRAD radar frequently, please call your physician or email Jesse. Thank you.